Fridge Friends, Bathroom Buddies, and Painter Pals

My Mama always taught me that I should work on being the best “me” I could be, and that would bring me authentic friendships.  “People should like you for who you really are…”

Pastor Bob calls them refrigerator friends, the kind that you are so comfortable with that you can walk into their kitchen, open the fridge, and reach past the empty ketchup bottles and opened bologna packages for an apple.  Then, with a nice big bite in your maw, you can turn to them and say, “Want one, too?”  I like to think of those friends who will let me scrub their shower when they need it, and would come over and paint with me when I needed a hand. Most of the time, what I really need is just a cup of coffee and a chat, or a walk and talk.

How do we find and develop friends like this?

First, I think it’s realistic to not expect this kind of relationship with too many people.  It takes time and energy, and if you are spread mayonnaise-thin with too many folks, you just can’t get this depth of closeness.  Be friendly to everyone, but pray for those “kindred spirits” to be hand-picked by God. When you find them, make time for them in your crazy schedule. My friend Jill will drive down to Vancouver after a long day of work, just to watch a movie with me.

Secondly, be interested in others.  I’ll tell you, that really isn’t too difficult.  As a confessed Facebook junkie,  I must say that people are fascinating.  Ask them questions about themselves, and then listen. Smile.  Reach out.  It’s really an amazing kind of fun.

Third, think less about yourself…..

Fourth, be nice. There are somethings that really no one will put up with much of, except my mom, and it’s her job to love me.  It is not your friends’ job to love you, so be good to them.  Call them.  Message them. Bring them gifts. Don’t say mean things.  Many friendships can’t handle too much meanness. When you do “mess up,” be quick to make it right. Say, “I love you, Friend.” Give hugs. Remember their birthday.

Fifth, take risks.  There comes a time (best not the first conversation you have), where you need to open up and be a little vulnerable about who you are and how you feel.  Authentic intimacy is built by mutual sharing.  If you are always the dumpee and never the dumper….it’ll be a lopsided friendship.   Fridges are best shared both ways.

Sixth, pray for each other.  One of the sweetest ways to build an encouraging relationship is to not only share your hearts, but to bring all the cares, worries, joys, and tears to Jesus together.  Then celebrate the answers!

Finally, trust God to always be faithful.  No matter how dear the friend, there are times where they move away or just become more distant.  This can be painful, but it is comforting that wherever you are, there God is also.  He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. (Prov. 18:24)  Be that kind of friend.