Empty

My house is empty today.  And my heart feels a bit that way, too.

Almost two weeks ago, Anna wed Ryan.  Soon, they will move to Spokane.  Rachel is camping with friends in Idaho, only to return briefly before heading to the European continent and then back to the rigors of medical school.  Katie lives with Lance (following their marriage…) and the boys are off being musician and videographer at middle school camp. Rick snoozes peacefully upstairs.

I have identified myself as “Mommy” for so many years (26, plus) that I need to readjust my hat.  Who am I? What is my purpose and passion for this next leg of the journey? Each of us periodically reaches a personal crossroads and would do well to recalibrate identity.

For the last several years, I have been training in how to parent adults.  The answer appears to be love much, say little.  I have more to learn in this area.  My tendency is to reach for the verbal band-aid can and the advice shovel. Yes, I want to fix it. While this empowers me, my grown-ups prefer silent support and hands-on help. I am a words person, so this is a definite skill-building season.

I long to assist my people in finding their path, staying on track, and doing well.  God, who put the lonely in families, created such a beautiful design for helping others.  I whole-heartedly want the best for my kids. It brings me joy to serve them. This will continue. I look forward to the grandbabies, too. (No pressure.)

Pastor Bob, our local man-of-God, spoke last Sunday on being “devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10). He reminded us that the same deep care we feel for those closest to us, is needed by others outside that intimate circle of family. Devotion is listed as affection in some translations.  What a strong, lovely word. Affection: something we all desire.

The nurture of a mother’s heart has many places where it can bring water and sunshine. So, I prayerfully consider what God has called me to.

It is a special time to be Rick’s devoted wife,  more attentively.  I find that I can show care for him and support him in improved ways, as my emotional load shifts. Asking him, “What can I do for you today?” And perhaps adding the question of one of my friends, “How can I pray for you today?” Lending a hand and lifting his load. Galatians 5:13 reminds us to serve one another in love, even as we enjoy our freedom. I remind myself that my house is not completely empty. I have a husband and am called to be his helper. I remember that he likes a clean house…. EMPTY trash cans, cupboards, and dustpans.

There are others who I am grateful to love and serve as sister, daughter, aunt.  As my mom would say, “There is always room for a servant.” Actively caring and blessing my extended family is one of my continuing passions. Here we are camping, the day after Anna’s wedding. (Note, she was in Hawaii, and not in this picture.) Beloved brother, sister, mom, and families, along with my crew.

Even at work, there are meaningful ways to be a blessing. My co-workers are friends. Our lunch break is always a delightful time of sharing, and frequently a chuckle or two. My clients often feel like beloved sons and daughters.  What a blessing to get paid to care for others! Their needs are no less important than those of my offspring. May I be whole-hearted and joyful in my obligations and my service.

My little group of prayer support ladies brings joy to my heart.  We gather weekly (as much as we can) to share our hearts and hurts. This combo is a prescription for health, as we are called to pray for one another, and to rejoice with one another, and to weep with one another. Our favorite is laughing with one another. (James 5:16, Romans 12:15 — but the whole chapter.)

They are also my “cupcake team,” decorating the deliciousness for Anna’s wedding, serving me in my need, providing practically, as wedding cupcakes are $30 a dozen. THIRTY DOLLARS A DOZEN!!! They swirled and sprinkled 170 cupcakes.  Beyond these ladies, I am eternally grateful for each of my friends, kindred spirits, and partners in crime.

I am reminded that Jesus was empty, too. Big word. Empty.  But it was a humble sort of emptiness.

Philippians Chapter Two spells it out for us.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

What a glorious emptiness, that of a humble servant, for us.

Evidently, in the middle of our empty spaces, as we walk humbly, focusing on glorifying God, there is great joy and purpose, and yes, even fullness.  I look forward to this part of my adventure. As I contemplate this time of transition, my heart is filling up. Let me be thankful. My cupcake plate overflows with good things.

Journey towards Joy

Sometimes I whine.

Other days I obsess over the state of things. Mad Politics. Bad news. Sad gossip…..

Don’t get me wrong.  I am incredibly blessed.  Yet, in the quiet, I find it easy to marinate in despondency. Darkness. Disappointment. The half empty.

In a world that is overcome with depression and anxiety, I want to beat the norm and live a life full of JOY.  Searching, seeking for this, I look to my favorite resource for all wisdom, God’s word.  Come along with me.

I think we can find “steps to Joy” in Philippians 4.  Good writing, Paul!  Great truth. Read it.  All of it.

 ^“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Phil. 4:4-8

Just Do it!

So, I looked up “rejoice,” just checking to see how much “joy” is connected to this vigorous admonition, commanding us to rejoice.  Here you go:

Rejoice: Feel or show great joy or delight.

What I see here, is that to show joy is an important form of rejoicing.  Do I always feel joyful? Nope.  Can I express authentic joy, even in the absence of emotion.  Evidently. Is this “faking it?” No.  I think we can be honest about our struggles with sorrow, but continue to express joy.

As I followed up on this exhortation, I saw the key elements of a path to both peace and joy in the verses following.

Love Others

“Gentleness… evident to all.”  Whew!  What a powerful phrase.  Loving people brings joy.  How can I love others today?  When I look up from my own belly button, the world expands.  I experience a richer, fuller life.  Relationships blossom.  Pray for an outward focus, rather than a constant “me” analysis.  When I am busy doing good to others, my heart fills up.  When I have a coffee visit, sharing my heart and listening to a friend, my heart fills up. Great spiritual science.

Up above you see a photo of me with some of my people: My mom, brother and sister, and a nephew.  Spending time with people I love fills me up.  Hangout with people that love you and listen to you and speak truth to you. Delight in those relationships.

Thankful Prayer

Instead of bleeding out in worry, turn to God with thankful prayer.  The load of your concerns, fears, troubles, is too great alone, but with the irrational peace of the Lord, you can live joyfully, in the middle of every situation. Persist in prayer.  Stubbornly sing praises. Choose a thankful response.  Let your anxieties fade from the spotlight of center stage.

Eat Clean Mentally

How are you spending your thought life?  I know I can go from joyful to despairing, if I focus on the waves of this world, rather than the One who calms the storm.  “True, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy.” God, who created the human psyche, knows that we “are what we eat.”  In your search for truth, eat cleanly.

I love politics, blogs, news, people stories.  But sometimes, they bring me down.  I wrestle with the balance of my info hobby and my need for joy.  Being sure I spend time in God’s word, soaking in some worship music, asking the positive update questions, reading encouraging words.  These help me keep my mental diet balanced.  Still working on this….

Be Obedient

Live by the wisdom God gives. We know these things. Go beyond knowledge, and put them in to practice. Have we learned that God is a perfect, loving, all-wise and all-powerful Father, who really does have our best in mind?  Do you trust that the God of the ages maybe has a bit of an idea of how joy and life work?  Then follow Him and do what He says.

We usually know what to do.  We’ll be happier if we do it.

In all this, I am hoping you find Joy.  I am going to continue in my pursuit. It is a choice and a discipline….a journey and a joy.

Clutterless Living

Hmmm.  Spell check says that clutterless is not a word.  Now, here is where I use my Linguistic degree and declare that Noam Chomsky’s thoughts make it one.  According to the guru of my UW degree, if we are a native speaker of the tongue and say something, it is correct.  (Liberal Arts education comes in handy, eh?)

So, busy souls with overflowing counters and uber-packed calendars, let’s pause for 3 minutes and consider it all.  (Uber-packed; see how I did that?)

My idea of a clean house does not usually involve dusting and floor care.  It does require clutter be picked up and out of sight, or sent to the local thrift shop (Fofi is my favorite in Washougal, btw.) As I contemplate my mental counters, I often find piles perched all about, filling up my time, creating stress and removing peace.  I’ll focus on physical clutter another time.  Today, let’s talk cluttered clocks.

One of my favorite thoughts on work/life/family/friend balance goes like this, “You cannot keep adding to the platter without taking something off.”

Think about it this way. When you go to the beautiful buffet table, the first trip is always the easiest.  You go hungry and with a clean plate.  Imagine a spread where you were not allowed to get a new plate every time.  The second trip would find you pushing chicken bones and fish skin to the side, trying to make space for round two between the grape stems and half eaten mu shoo pork.  The third set would be even trickier, trying to keep the last bit of your coconut curry from blending with the orange jello and almond cookies. Ewwwwwww.

We make choices everyday on how we will spend our time, our energy.

Prioritizing helps.

I guess that’s where we can begin.  What is most important to you? I go through seasons of reevaluation.  What needs to change? What am I called to for this season in life? Where do I  need to trim? A little prayer and contemplation can do wonders, bringing freedom and fresh spiritual space.

Examine relationships, hobbies, activities. Consider responsibilities and routines. Eyeball the calendar.  Where are you spending your resources?

There are times where we sprint, with a heavy load, but we cannot do this indefinitely.  Pace yourself. Refresh yourself.

I am reading a book on the concept of Sabbath rest.  We are so BUSY, that for many of us, even things that should bring us joy feel like chores.  Hmmm.  SCHEDULE some time in to contemplate your life and consider your calendar.  One of my friends calls it “whitespace.”  She lives an active, productive, JOYFUL life, but guards time blocks for peace and renewal.

Even more importantly, God calls us to be thoughtful with our time resources.

“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15, 16

I chose the King James because it says it a bit more bluntly.  Here’s the April version: Walk (not run) deliberately. Don’t be a fool! Be wise. Time is short and there is evil about, so pay attention.

God calls us to use our time for His purpose in these crazy days. Maybe He has some wise guidance for how we use our time.

There are times where you really have to make a big change. I continue to grow in this. Consider wisely. Count the cost. Pray and listen. Talk with a trusted friend. And then forge ahead. Or, as Chomsky would concur, walk circumspectacularly.

Loneliness

Adam sat in the garden, rubbing his eyes.  Fresh out of surgery. And God brought him Eve.  A helper. A companion. A wife.

Together, they raised children.  Lost their home. Experienced great sorrow. Companions in the garden. In life.

Marriage, for many, appears to be the perfect cure to the loneliness we experience in this life.  Often, it is a genuine source of joy, but even in a relationship where you are chosen, there are times of loneliness and disappointment.

And then there is the blessing of family, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. So much laughter.  Great burgers. Fierce badminton contests. Dedicated rounds of Scrabble and Rummicub. Psalm 68:6 reminds us that “God sets the lonely in families.” But we also find some of the most fertile ground for hurt, as well. Those who we hug closest can sometimes wound deeper than those who shake our hand.

Friendships are sweet, but changing.  Beloved companions move away. Distractions of life keep us from consistent coffee dates. Sometimes, there is a quiet hurt, and a distancing that we may not even understand. We sit alone, scratching our head, wondering how we got here.

I enjoy a sweet marriage, committed family, and precious friendships.  I am thankful. And these relationships all receive intentional nurture.  I am blessed. But some days I am lonely.

I spend lots of time with people.  Good, kind people. But there is still a part of my heart that lives in isolation.  When I feel lonely, I am reminded that I am made not only for relationship with delightful human beings, but also for friendship with God.

He created a part of my heart just for Him.  No one else can fully satisfy that lonely place. Each of us is created in His image, and when I look to Him, there is a warming in my heart that cannot be found in any other relationship. He called to Adam and Eve in the garden. He visited the prophet Samuel in the night. Abraham was counted His friend. He desires each of us.

When we open up our hearts to know Him, we hear Jesus say things like this,

“I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

When I am alone, I especially experience the comfort of God.  I am free from distraction.  I can talk, and He listens.  When I am quiet, I hear from Him through His Word.  There are those times where I know a wise answer is not my own inspiration, but His.  He knows me, even when I don’t know me.  And His love is unfailing.

C.S. Lewis, a favorite writer, put it this way,

” If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

You were made for Heaven, created to enjoy and glorify God.

In your loneliness, seek the friendship of God.  Desire it. Develop it.  Pursue it.

He is the great answer to our loneliness.