Three O’clock in the Morning

by mtnorwaymommy

It’s becoming a pattern now, waking up at 3 in the morning. Tossing around and tangling the covers. Working towards a comfy position. I have a busy mind that must “labor to enter in to rest.”

I usually analyze things like this — It must be the stress of wedding planning, anticipating future medical choices, deciding how to live the years I am given. There is so much to consider. And then I talk to myself, “This is not the time to think about these things. Go to sleep!” (That’s as effective as telling someone to ‘calm down,’ or ‘relax!”)

I’ve discovered that the best strategy is to make the most of the night hours, and as I doze, I pray. I pray for my family, for my friends, for the world. It’s a windfall of unexpected time. It’s sloppy prayer, as I edge towards sleep, but I know God hears.

Sometimes I think about important things. Have I loved my family well enough? Am I being a good friend? How will I make it through tomorrow? What will the doctors say at the next appointment? More than once in my life, the quietness of the dark has allowed me to hear God’s inspiring answers. All distractions are still, and I can listen, meditate, and hear.

As I ponder the big pilgrimage, I am reminded that a peaceful heart comes from the Lord. Psalm 4:8 tells me, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” I don’t need to succumb to fear. God’s awake and on the job. I can rest in his arms. I use healthy visualization to help me slumber. Sometimes, I picture myself being carried by Jesus like a child, through this darkening valley. I am not alone. I can rest.

What I think on is critical. If I start digging deep, scary holes in my path, I’m going to stumble. Instead, Psalm 4:4 reminds me, “Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.” Evidently, it matters. Am I sinning by remaining focused on my fears, rather than on faith? While it’s okay to acknowledge fears, what am I “meditating” on? God calls us to think on the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. (Phil. 4:8) It’s seems even a command to have a renewed mind and to embrace mental light. This direction transforms me and brings me tranquility.

Earlier in that stretch of scripture, the Lord reminds us to pray, and to do so with thanksgiving. I’m usually so busy asking for this and that for my kids, for myself, for my life, that I am like the blessed leper that is healed and only later remembers to come and give thanks to Jesus. Gratitude expressed in prayer does great work in our hearts.

When my mind feels led to fear at night, or anytime, I deliberately do the worthwhile and somewhat corny “gratefulness exercise.” What am I thankful for? Answer, and keep answering. It can feel a little annoying at first, but anxiety is reduced. Peace begins to take over once again. Even social work professor Brene Brown teaches this biblical truth. She shares: “Get Deliberate: When I’m flooded with fear and scarcity, I try to call forward joy and sufficiency by acknowledging the fear, then transforming it into gratitude. I say this out loud: “I’m feeling vulnerable. That’s okay. I’m so grateful for ____________.” Doing this has absolutely increased my capacity for joy.”

Okay, and sometimes, if I REALLY can’t sleep, I’ll get up and gently wear myself out with a warm shower, a cup of tea, an undramatic book. As my eyelids grow droopy, I tuck myself back in to bed. Snuggling deep, embracing my extra pillow or warming up by my toasty husband, I relish the fact that I don’t have to get up yet. I can sleep, because the all-powerful, all-wise, all-loving Creator God is ever awake. “He will not let your foot slip–He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber not sleep.” (Psalm 121:3)

I hear the lullaby of Jesus. He sings it so softly, inviting us all, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Hum along in the stillness of the night, answer Him with yes, and find peaceful rest.