Parenting Pathway Particulars? Plenty Published!

by mtnorwaymommy

I stopped reading parenting books.

Nope, they weren’t all bad, but after awhile, and following many experiments, with some wisdom mixed in, I’d just had enough.  My mommy mind was maxed.

To spank, or not to spank?  A little tap? Until they say, “Uncle?” Hand? With a rubber hose (seriously suggested by one parent.) What’s a rod? Does a broken wooden spoon constitute abuse, or poorly made in China manufacturing? What about when you chase them down the hall and drag them out from under the bed?  Uhm, pause. If things are getting out of hand, time to consider other options.

Time outs? How long?  One minute per year?  Longer? What about those children that find it therapeutic?  Is that constructive?

Rewards? To candy or not to candy?  Stickers? (So they can get in trouble for pasting them on the wall?) Chore store? (Doesn’t that feed materialism? But….)

To affirm? “Oh, honey!  I like how you didn’t bite Barney this time we visited….”

To let the child express himself? I sometimes wished for maybe a little duct tape. “Put your hand over your mouth until I have finished talking to you!”

Do they need a meal? A nap?  Feel neglected?  Where is this behavior coming from?  Now I’m turning in to Oprah…

On and on the list goes.  With my youngest being almost 14 now, let me just say, “Enough!”  I’ve tried them all, and the great experiment is over. Now I’m facing teenhood issues and those that go with young people entering their twenties.  Where are the books for that?  Well I can say this, I’m not going to write one until I’m about 80.

Let me boil it all down to one “piece of advice.”  It’s one that I sometimes follow and one that I often mess up at, but it’s the best I’ve heard.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 7:12

Oh, is that all? Sounds a bit impossible.  And without the daily grace of God, it is.

I’d rather get angry and sarcastic when sassed.  I find it easier to chastise and criticize.  It comes naturally to use “punitive measures.” I don’t know if I can use discipline in a perfectly balanced fashion.

So, here’s what I know.  God’s Word IS perfect and has incredible wisdom for me.  Sometimes my approach to relationships with my kids will not be “fun.”  I will be called a “bad parent” or “mean.”

There are times when standing firm, even with grace,  won’t “feel” right.

Joyce Meyer, spiritual maven, says, “We have to learn how to live beyond our feelings and do what’s right even when we feel wrong.”  In a feel-good world where our emotional thermometer advises all of our decisions, emotions can be a poor guide for parenting and relationships in general.

So, sometimes it’s a rod of correction (now metaphorical) or a rebuke to show my love.  Sometimes it’s a word of wisdom or encouragement.  All this seasoned with the reminder to treat my people the way I want to be treated.  And how does that fit?  If my friends only speak words of encouragement to me, and never challenge me or ask me the difficult questions, will I grow?  I want to grow. Really… I do.  “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6)

There are many tools to use in parenting, but a formula is not the solution.  Children are different, and then they change.  Situations vary.  Creativity is a gift from God, so you may find unorthodox answers helpful.  But there is no substitute for crying out to our Heavenly Father for wisdom.  James 1:5 tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

Don’t wring your hands, fold them. God waits to be asked. I was stunned by this verse recently, as I usually dump wisdom on my kids, whether they ask for it or not. But then He PROMISES to give generously. I love that!

The next piece reminded me to pattern myself after God’s perfect input, “without finding fault.”  Ouchie.  I shovel out the wisdom, but easily stir in a nice dose of  “you should have,” or some other reproach.

So, guess what, parenting young adults requires the same basic principles that I needed as a younger mama.  Love, respect, wisdom, humility, compassion, grace, firmness. All mixed in with loving enough to let them fall as they learn to walk. That’s probably the hardest part for me.

Take heart, dear parents.  You don’t have to be a perfect mommy or daddy to be a good parent.  You won’t be perfect (learn to ask for forgiveness–from God and the kids), but as you daily seek the wisdom of the Lord, you will grow, and so will your blessed kids.  And blessed they are.

Yes, really.